First right, then left...

I have some OCD tendancies.

If my socks have writing on the bottom of them, the one with the writing goes on the left. When I fold clothes, my socks get folded in half (except for the shortie, tennis-style socks), and the sock with the writing goes on the bottom. Thats because I put my right sock on first, then my left. They're in order. Shoes go on right first, then left.

Today, I somehow ended up with two socks that have writing. I put the left one on first. It felt wrong. Had to put my right shoe on first to try and make up for it.

For a split-second, I considered taking my shoes and socks off and starting over.

But I didn't.

This will work out fine. I need to quit thinking about it!

Yeah, I know. FREAK!

Grand Opening of Ikea...

Our area is getting an Ikea store, and it's Grand Opening is tomorrow.

I was gonna go but then I remembered:

1. I don't need anything
2. I hate to shop
3. It's about a 70 mile round trip, and will take between 45-60 minutes each way to get there and back
4. I hate crowds
5. The store will likely be there for many years

Stuff...

**Warning...this is NOT a post that will make you warm and fuzzy inside...if your name is 'Hormona', perhaps you should read it another time of the month**

Today, I did a good deed. I think.

My ex-boyfriend (we split up 23 years ago) lost his significant other to cancer last November. The day before his birthday. They were together 9 years.

He doesn't feel as if he has any reason to stay in the area, so when his mom, brother and sister-in-law move to West Virginia, he's going too. That means he needs to sell his house first. When we met for coffee last month, he said he hadn't gotten rid of any of her things, couldn't sleep in their bed, and just felt lost.

I know that death has a way of shaking your world in a way you never thought possible, but I also know that each day you move forward, the better things start to look. The pain lingers in some way for a lifetime, but you get to where you can cope and you can actually talk about "life" rather than "death". Having constant reminders of a part of your life that can not come back must hurt, but yet be paralyzing at the same time.

So today, it was raining. Pouring at times. He does construction (heavy equipment) and on a day like today, operating a tractor outside just doesn't happen! Going to help him sort things out was in the back of my mind when I saw the weather forecast for today, and I finally decided to just call him! He didn't have plans to go anywhere or do anything, so I collected a few boxes, grabbed a box of lawn/leaf bags, and headed to his house.

A few scenarios went through my mind, and they were that he'd either linger over clothes/outfits and either have a thoughtful moment(s) to himself, or just plow through them and get the task completed. He did both. We chatted as we went along (about nothing much) and at no point did I ever feel as if he was sad or upset about going through her things.

We probably put 8-10 bags of things in my car, and I took them to a local charity for donation. When we were done, we sat on the couch for about 30 minutes, watched a little t.v., and talked about nothing in particular. At one point I noted that he seemed better to me than he did a month ago, and his only comment was that he had no other options than to move forward. I know if he needed to break down and cry, he would have no reservations about doing that in front of me.

I tried to keep things upbeat and lively. But now that I've been home for 9 hours and had some of that time totally to myself, I've been able to reflect on the day. I'm glad I was able to help him complete a task that he has needed and wanted to do for a while, and at the same time I wonder if we should have spent a little more time "saying goodbye" and reflecting on her life. Maybe I think too much, but I'm just feeling a little remorseful about whether or not we honored her spirit.

I'll have the opportunity to make up for that. I asked him a few weeks ago if he'd like mto to put an album together for him. So, that is the plan. Hopefully it will celebrate their life together, but more importantly honor her memory.

As soon as I quit thinking about making sure that he's not having any remorse about the "work" we did today, I'll be able to think about my own stuff. And that "stuff" is that I feel a need to clean out my closet and dresser drawers. My dh and I need to do some cleaning and sorting too...we need to make sure that we have our wills made, and ensure that our ds is cared for if something should happen to either of us.

A bittersweet day, to be sure.

Hair appointments...

Why is it that I wait 'til my hair NEEDS. HELP. NOW.!!! before I call to make an appointment? She can sometimes get me in post haste, but dontcha know when there are places I need to go, and people I need to see, she can't get me in for a week! And THEN, the day she can get me in? Yeah. A day when I have plenty else to do for an event that night!

Gotta love when an old friend opens the shades, asks you to turn towards the the light, and says, "what's that in your hair? Come here!" Yeah, pal, it's gray. SHUTTHEHELLUP!!!

Hmpf.

Damn. This woman Cracks.Me.Up!!

http://dooce.com/

I heard the 'pop'...

Hours later, I found out what it was.

Underwire. Jabbing. Pinching.

Ugh.

Dinner with the guys...

It's a soccer function, and I'll be the d-driver of the 'carpool'. Last month I was asked by a guy formerly on our board (he's gone to the league now) if I wanted to be his 'date' for this month's appreciation dinner. Uhhhhhhhhh...told him I'd have to get back to him. Actually, our club prez should be there, but he's got some other iron's in his fire and couldn't commit, so I made up his mind for him! We'll be honoring an out-going league board member that volunteered thousands of hours to bring soccer to our area. When it was time for our club to break away from another club, she was most helpful getting it launched. Since P and I are the only 'original' board members still serving, one of us should be there. Although, in his absence our vp should be at the meeting. So, I invited our vp since the attendee can bring a guest. Former board member is the kind of guy that I don't want to be alone in the car with for 45 minutes (round trip), so D will 'save' me from him!

What ought to be interesting is they'll both inquire about what P has just offered our school district. Sorry guys, thats confidential. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you, and I just cleaned the car.

The exciting part? It's MEXICAN FOOD!!! I LOVE Mexican food, and FREE Mexican food is even better!

Well. That's done.

Both cars are washed, and the inside of the windows on the blue car have been cleaned too. I can still see streaks, but it's not the car I usually drive so why should I care?

Sad thing about the blue car is that it appears that the clear coat is starting to come off. It sorta looks like sunburned skin with the blisters popped. But then, I don't drive this car so why should I care?

I suppose I should care cuz if I take care of the car, chances are DH will think he needs to hang onto it longer.

Gotta love not having car payments.

Friggin' Girl Scouts...

The dreaded day arrived. Those little wenches showed up with my cookie order. Dammit. Now I feel as if I need to eat them. All. Now.

I'll put the thin mints in the garage freezer. Well. Maybe one sleeve in the house freezer...

Maybe I'll just wear stretch pants to that wedding in May.

To do today...

I made a list on paper.

I've marked off a lot of it.

I was stopped in my tracks when I discovered I had to recreate something in Word! Thankfully, I took a digital picture of it two years ago! So, after a little looking (and squinting) I managed to to what I needed to do...and then the internet/e-mail stopped my in my tracks! Damn internet.

And to make matters worse, I ate all of the good chocolate yesterday.

Control...or is it routine...

One word can mean so much. It can reassure you when all else is wacky, or it might just mean you're wacky. (this is prompted by Sue's blog, cuz sometimes I think we might be twins, separated at birth...nevermind that birth has a 5yr difference.

I have my routine. For nearly everything. Some mornings when I'm doing "the usual" I think that I might stab hot pokers in my eyes if I have to feed the dog, put fresh water in her bowl, put the food scoop back in the dog food, take out the pancake batter, turn on the electric skillet, pour an apple juice and put it on the table, take out the butter, a knife a fork and a tablespoon, a plate, and the maple syrup. Then the dog needs to go out. I take out a tupperware container, slice banana and strawberries, put it in the lunch bag with a frozen thingie to keep everything cold until snack time, pour the batter in the hot skillet, let the dog in, put the snack in the backpack, flip the cakes, butter/syrup them, and (this is really sad, but it too is habit...I even do it for adults) cut the pancakes before serving.

My bathing routine has a pattern too. When I come home, my purse goes in the same place on the counter. The mail goes in another. Bowls, glasses, tupperware, pots and pans are taken from the dishwasher (or from their drying spot on the counter) are put back in the cabinet just so.

I rarely don't know where my stuff is. I can often tell you exactly where something is in the fridge, although that has become more difficult with two guys in the house that are doing good just to put it away.

I need my routine's, and I need some sort of order (although it may not seem like "order" to someone else). I need my lists and, more importantly, I need to be able to cross things off of the list.

The best part is that I can be in control of my routine.

One for the history books...

Today I scrapbooked!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

I'm not done yet, but I'm working on Grandma's family reunion album. Gah, the pictures are shitty! Either heads are cut off, people have food in their mouth, they were caught off guard, or it's a picture of a room full of people and nobody is looking at the camera. Some of the best ones? When each family gathered together and about 6 cameras were used, meaning that everyone was looking at a different camera! Sheesh!

The worst part is that I don't enjoy the family reunions. They are meaningless to me/us. We don't keep in touch with anyone that we see once a year...heck, we hardly talk to many of them on that one occasion anyhow!

I did notice that the girl cousin with the mullet was missing last year!

This year's reunion is in South Dakota. We will not be making the trek. But I will put the photos in the album for Grandma. The event means a lot to her, and she loves to put the photo albums out each year.

Mean Girls...

**Disclaimer** I might be hyper-sensitive about this...

On Saturday, whilst we were hosting a party, the phone rang. DH answered and the person on the other line said it was C, and wanted to talk to DS. After he hung up, DH started grilling DS about what did C want (not someone that usually calls here). DS didn't want to give any info, DH got frustrated, DS continued to speak to DH in a lousy tone, and he was ordered by me to go to his room. After a while, I went in and asked if he was ready to come out and talk in a non-sassy tone, and I asked him about the call too. He said C wanted him to come over the next day to spend the night. DS said he'd call him back cuz we were had people over at that time. I told him if that's what he wanted to do, it was o.k. and for him to call C and get the details.

So DS called, forgot to leave his name, and called right back and left another voice mail. The evening went on, and no return call. The next day came and went with no return call. Sleepover didn't happen. I tried to come up with reasons why we didn't get a call back.

DS went to school yesterday and P (a girl) said it was her pretending to be C and that she was the one that called. That makes sense...we have caller i.d. (that got erased) and the phone number wasn't C's number, nor was it one we recognized. Evidently, P called J's house claiming to be C, until J put C on (he stayed the weekend at J's house)!

I emailed C's mom and explained the mystery message that DS left (her reply included the info about the call to J's house).

The part that pisses me off is that DS doesn't get asked over to anyone's house. Of course, he doesn't invite anyone over either but I sorta figured it was more of a 'boy thing'. A couple weeks ago DS revealed (with tears) that he was still very sad about the passing of his cat, and that he doesn't have any friends. Ugh. Broke my heart. So, when there was an invite for a sleepover and he actually wanted to DO it, I was excited for him. And to discover it was a girl doing prank calls just adds more to my feelings about women being bitches. I just didn't realize they started out at such a young age.

Going home...

It's happened before, and it will happen again. Tomorrow. I'm going to return to the place I call "home" and this time it will be to do things in preparation for putting it on the market this spring.

My teenage years were unlike anyone else I know. With divorced parents, I lived with my dad. We had a friend of his renting a room from us. Eventually his girlfriend/wife moved in with us (a stroke of luck, cuz thanks to her I passed algebra!). After they moved out, it wasn't long until my cousins (elementary aged) moved in with us (their mom died in a flood), and not long after that I graduated from high school. During my senior year of high school I was babysitting for a friend who was a single dad (J) with one son (S). J was the son of D, who was a friend of my dad's. I had known these people since I was 10...in fact, I told J what "scp" meant (I had it written on my hands...'super cootie protection') so they were like family. S was in kindergarten at the time, and they had just moved into a new house that was within walking distance of my school. They drove me home (about 30 miles round-trip) every evening unless J was too tired, and gave me the keys to his car (I didn't get a car 'til the summer after I graduated).

In the spring of 1980, I moved in with them. D lived their too and she also worked full time. My job was to get S to/from school, doctor/dental appointments, and care for him and the house. While he was at school, I went to the local junior college. Sometimes.

Over the years, I moved out of the house, quit the b-sitting gig, visited often, and moved back in until the year I got married and moved out for good. My husband and I moved out of the area, and eventually out of state. Whenever I returned to "home", I always went to J & S's, never to either of my parent's houses. When we moved back to Cali, J was still living there and I cleaned house for him for about a year.

J finally married and moved into a house with his wife. He kept H Ct. as a rental. Fast-forward to two years ago, and S was going to move back "home". We all rallied around and got the place fixed up to S's specifications (and fixed problems that come along with renters). S moved out about a year ago, and once again it has been rented. J e-mailed last week and told me of his plans to clean it up and get it on the market. I volunteered to help. J & S will always be my "family" and H Ct. will always be "home" but soon our family members won't get to be inside those walls saying "remember when..."

It will be nice to be there with J tomorrow. We can talk about what was, wonder about what wasn't, and envision what will be when our dear boy S takes a bride for himself later this year.

You can move forward, or to the side, but you can never go back. Well, unless you've gotta clean the place up!

Wasted day...

I made breakfast, my bed, and cleaned the shower while I was bathing. Oh. And I kinda sorted through stuff that goes with pictures for when I finally start to scrapbook. I was actually looking for something in particular, but didn't find it. I'm sure I will once I start the project...Murphy's Law and all.

I feel some guilt for not actually accomplishing anything all day. But then I don't, cuz I'm not sure why I think I need to be in constant motion, doing "things".

Pity tonight is good t.v. night, cuz I could go to bed right now!

I Googled again...

This time it wasn't so good.

I googled my friends dad. He died 4/30/05.

I have lost touch with this friend. Or did she loose touch with me? The last year I sent a Christmas card must have been 2003, or maybe 2004. Can't remember, but I haven't gotten one from her either (in fact didn't get one from her the last time I sent one). I'm not really sure what happened. I think she was pissed once when my computer had a virus and she says she opened something from me and hers was infected too. *shrug* I said I was sorry, but it seemed after that she drifted further away. I know she is busy with work, her two girls, her dh, and their house. We're all busy. I guess I've been too busy to call her and try to catch up. We used to get together every September and take ourselves to dinner and/or a movie (we share the same birthday month).

And so now I wonder if she is pissed that I didn't acknowledge her father's passing. Hard to do when ya don't know. DH saw her brother at their high school reunion last year. He said their mom was going to sell the house and move to another town. DH didn't ask about the dad, and her brother didn't offer the details. Maybe he thought his open-ended statement would have made DH ask about their dad, but he's a man and men tend to take statements at face-value without really delving into the details.

And so I sit here thinking of what I should do. Write a note "oh hey, S! I googled your dad and see he's dead. Sorry 'bout that. Wanna get together for lunch sometime?" Or do I say "WTF, beeeeeeeyaaawwwwwwtch?" I'm thinking that a simple note would be best. Just an "I'm thinking of you" kind of thing. If she wants to see/talk to me, then I can give my very belated condolences.

Googled...

Last night, while watching e.r. the thought came over me to Google a guy I used to work with. He was a poli-sci major when we worked together at a bank, and his dad was the Lord of The State's Department of Education. I always knew he'd follow. He's the superintendent of a small school district in New England. After a couple of clicky-clicky's, there was his picture! He looks EXACTLY the same as he did nearly 15 years ago!

Conveniently, at the bottom of the page containing his picture was his e-mail address. I'm waiting for the worldwideweb police to come knocking at my door and take me into questioning for stalking a public figure! Hopefully he'll e-mail back. I send a Christmas card every year, but can't remember the last time I got one from them.

Google is good!

A paying gig...

Quit my job 12/16/05.

Voice message from old boss 2/8/06.

She wants me to do a special project. Wouldn't have to leave the kingdom. Just cross the street and get gift certs from some of the merchants. Ohhhhh, all right. I can do that.

She says if I just came in and did payroll (two days, about 3hrs/day, every-other-week) it would really help her out. Ugh. I'm SO on the fence. It doesn't seem like much, but I know how easily it would turn in to more. I like that every day of every week is mine to do what I want without having be some place and be accountable to anyone other than my home and family. If I ONLY was there to do payroll, we're talking about maybe $200/mo. Yeesh...when put that way, why would I even consider it?

Guess I'll have to think about it. I think my answer needs to be no, but my ego is pumped by the fact that they (she, actually...the one worried about me getting credit for putting on a going away luncheon for an employee that was leaving) need me.

And to top it off? I need to go in and talk to the General Manager about our use agreement for soccer! Fuckity fuck! I e-mailed that to D for her to put it on the board agenda (I rewrote it/updated it) and now rather than her dealing with it, I've gotta go talk to K. Sheesh. Had I known that, I would have taken care of this 10 days ago. grrrrrrrrrr...

Brokeback Mountain...

I finally saw this movie today. I took my mom, and before we got to the theater, I asked her if she knew the premise of it. She didn't, so I explained what I knew to her. We walked out of there without being able to really talk about it cuz we were still trying to wrap our brains around it. We went to Taco Bell for lunch, and trying to have a conversation about whatever-came-up was rather difficult. I was distracted, to say the least! I just wanted to take in bits of the movie and dwell on it. I need to see it again. Maybe I'll never be able to articulate what I feel about it, but it sure did get me to thinking. I'm thinking about the "what if's", the regrets, the having to live a lie because what you feel in your heart isn't socially acceptable...even in 2006, but certainly not in 1963 to 1978 and beyond (the time span of the movie).

List maker

I seem to do well when I make a list. I love the thrill of crossing stuff off, so much so that I'll add something that I managed to get done but wasn't ON the list just so I can cross it off. Often my lists are waaaaay long and there is NO way to do all of the things on it. Today, I'll make a realistic list. Lets see what I can cross off...

1. strip bed down to dust ruffle and wash DONE
2. flip mattress DONE
3. wash T-Bone's sheets DONE
4. call Paul - pin him down for a time to review soccer stuff/sigs waiting for call back
5. call Bob - make a plan to meet for coffee (Thursday?) No go - next week maybe
6. get scrapbooking stuff out, start to organize it's out - not organized
7. call mom - see if she wants to see Brokeback Mountain, make a plan We're goin' tomorrow
8. mop hardwood DONE
9. walk, take the dog do after dark so nobody will recognize me

I think I can do all of these things!

Songs you know by heart...

Yeah, I know, Jimmy Buffet has already used that line...

Anyhow, a couple weeks ago, Stacy blogged something that had "name four songs you know by heart". I couldn't lemulate that one cuz I wasn't sure what songs I DO know by heart! Ironically, right this very minute, on the Classic Rock-n-Roll station is the band "Heart" and one of their many songs that I know by heart, 'Crazy On You'. In fact, there are MANY songs I know by heart, and I realized it one day when I was listening to Yahoo's LaunchCast radio. It seems, however, most of the songs I know have one thing in common. They are from the late 70's/early 80's when we were still listening to LP's. Casette's were just gaining popularity (I never had an 8-track), and some of us renegades were actually recording those LP's onto casette's cuz we had 'arrived' and were able to put an am/fm-casette radio in our cars!

But, to go back to pre-driver's license days, I used to play one side of an album and set the stereo to play it over and over again. I'd sit on the floor with headphones on playing solitaire and WEARING THOSE ALBUMS OUT! I'm sure I know every song on Elton John's 'Don't Shoot Me, I'm Only The Piano Player', Carole King's 'Rhymes and Reason's', Doobie Brothers 'Captain and Me' and 'What Were Once Vices Are Now Habits', Loggin's and Messina's 'Full Sail' and a Live album that I don't recall the name. Oh, and there was one side of Janis Joplin's Pearl album. You know...the side that has 'Me and Bobby McGee' on it! It never cesases to amaze me how you can hear a song from back in the day, and instantly be transported back to what you were doing/wearing/dating and remember things with such clarity!

I have cd's by current artists too. However, I don't know all of the lyrics to every song on those cd's. I wonder why? Perhaps there are too many other things going on that prevent me from reading jacket liners and the accompnaying lyricss. Maybe the songs aren't that good!

Think I'll find something 'vintage' and play that while I clean.

Maybe I should go get myself some 'Cheap Sunglasses'.

Shopping with a friend...

I bet everyone has been to the mall or shopping on vacation with a friend. How often do you go grocery shopping with your friend? Today, Debbie and I met at Starbucks. At 7:45. We sat and chatting, both thinking that it was around 9:30, and perhaps we should go shopping. HAH!! A time check revealed that it was 11:15!

We were armed with our lists, did the produce area, then up one aisle and down the other. Had I been shopping alone, I would have been in and out of the store in 20 minutes. But that wasn't the point. The point was to spend time with my dear friend, and THAT is exactly what we did.

Proof that quality time can be had just about anywhere. (and you can get your errands done at the same time!)

Punch cards for purchases...

How many do you have? I only have two that I can think of, both from the same store, but one from their Chinese food counter and the other from their coffee/pastries counter. I never remember to give them, so I might have more than one from each area.

Where I NEED a punch card is at the vet's office! Sheesh! Wouldn't matter if it got punched each time I was there, or if it was punched based on the amount spent. I've been there so often since September, I'm afraid to look at the receipts. One week when my husband was out of town, the most exciting thing to report upon his return was that I went all week without going to the vet! Hmpf. Spoke too soon. Last week the dog had (still does) a skin fungus on her ears. Got her some ointment (ointment is one of those words that makes me laugh!). This week it was the kitten. One of his ears STUNK. The tech swabbed it to put some of the crud on a microscope slide, then she swabbed it one more time and got a big ol' gob of goo. YUCK! Vet cleaned both ears, put some other stuff in 'em (antibiotic, maybe) and sent me on my way. Well, after I stopped at the counter to pay. Ugh!

I suppose with three animals in the house, it's bound to happen that we need to go to the vet. I just wish there was some sort of reward program tied to it...like maybe a gift card to Starbucks or something!