Stuff...

**Warning...this is NOT a post that will make you warm and fuzzy inside...if your name is 'Hormona', perhaps you should read it another time of the month**

Today, I did a good deed. I think.

My ex-boyfriend (we split up 23 years ago) lost his significant other to cancer last November. The day before his birthday. They were together 9 years.

He doesn't feel as if he has any reason to stay in the area, so when his mom, brother and sister-in-law move to West Virginia, he's going too. That means he needs to sell his house first. When we met for coffee last month, he said he hadn't gotten rid of any of her things, couldn't sleep in their bed, and just felt lost.

I know that death has a way of shaking your world in a way you never thought possible, but I also know that each day you move forward, the better things start to look. The pain lingers in some way for a lifetime, but you get to where you can cope and you can actually talk about "life" rather than "death". Having constant reminders of a part of your life that can not come back must hurt, but yet be paralyzing at the same time.

So today, it was raining. Pouring at times. He does construction (heavy equipment) and on a day like today, operating a tractor outside just doesn't happen! Going to help him sort things out was in the back of my mind when I saw the weather forecast for today, and I finally decided to just call him! He didn't have plans to go anywhere or do anything, so I collected a few boxes, grabbed a box of lawn/leaf bags, and headed to his house.

A few scenarios went through my mind, and they were that he'd either linger over clothes/outfits and either have a thoughtful moment(s) to himself, or just plow through them and get the task completed. He did both. We chatted as we went along (about nothing much) and at no point did I ever feel as if he was sad or upset about going through her things.

We probably put 8-10 bags of things in my car, and I took them to a local charity for donation. When we were done, we sat on the couch for about 30 minutes, watched a little t.v., and talked about nothing in particular. At one point I noted that he seemed better to me than he did a month ago, and his only comment was that he had no other options than to move forward. I know if he needed to break down and cry, he would have no reservations about doing that in front of me.

I tried to keep things upbeat and lively. But now that I've been home for 9 hours and had some of that time totally to myself, I've been able to reflect on the day. I'm glad I was able to help him complete a task that he has needed and wanted to do for a while, and at the same time I wonder if we should have spent a little more time "saying goodbye" and reflecting on her life. Maybe I think too much, but I'm just feeling a little remorseful about whether or not we honored her spirit.

I'll have the opportunity to make up for that. I asked him a few weeks ago if he'd like mto to put an album together for him. So, that is the plan. Hopefully it will celebrate their life together, but more importantly honor her memory.

As soon as I quit thinking about making sure that he's not having any remorse about the "work" we did today, I'll be able to think about my own stuff. And that "stuff" is that I feel a need to clean out my closet and dresser drawers. My dh and I need to do some cleaning and sorting too...we need to make sure that we have our wills made, and ensure that our ds is cared for if something should happen to either of us.

A bittersweet day, to be sure.