Empty house...

Had to say 'goodbye' to our beloved chocolate lab, Daisy, on Saturday.

It's been a wacky week, for sure.

A dear friend was admitted 3/20 and diagnosed with lung cancer (she's the mom of my ex-boyfriend, so I've known her about 35 years...she's like a mom to me). She had a rough day on 3/28 cuz she was to get a bone scan so we could see if her cancer moved to her bones cuz she was complaining of her legs aching. She couldn't tolerate laying flat that long, so we skipped the scan, but she was so doped up, she didn't even seem like herself. She had her first round of chemo in the middle of the night (so around 1:30a on Sunday), and by the time I got there around 9:00, it was like a new person had jumped in her bed! She had color, was alert and, most importantly, her sense of humor! The dr. took one look at her and said she was going to discharge her.

All of that excitement kept me from dwelling on the events of the night before. I came home after a long day at the hospital, let Daisy out, and when I went to the door to let her in, she was standing about 3ft from it with a worried look on her face. Her right hind leg didn't look right. I carried her in (all 70lbs of her) and called the vet. Our vet was closed, so I called the 24hr vet. About that time, husband arrived home. We put her on a towel and loaded her in the backseat of the truck and all climbed in for the ride to town. I figured we'd have to put her down, but I sure didn't figure it would be two hours later. Turns out she had bone cancer. It was so bad that her leg literally crumbled from under her. We really had no choice. Becuase of her age, she wasn't a good candidate for amputation, and if the dr. splinted her, it would only be for a few days. I couldn't see any point in prolonging her life just so I could have a couple more days with her. She would have been uncomfortable and embarrassed, I'm sure.

Just 5 days earlier, I thought when she goes, my next dog would be a Giant Schnauzer. Love that breed, but Daisy REALLY made me fall in love with chocolate dawgs. Time will tell! In the meantime, I smell Daisy's kerchief (from her 3/17 trip to the groomer) and her collar for a daily reminder of her. One day I'll get rid of her pillow and clean the curtain panel over her bed that's full of dog hair.

Empty house indeed...

Stop it, already...

Short story, cuz I've only heard one side, my dad and his only living sister are estranged. He pissed her off several years ago, she packed her stuff (at his house for a visit) and left. Aunt M has a daughter in Washington. Two years ago, dad and stepmonster were going on a cruise. Gonna drive to Seattle, then a little further (2hrs, one way) to see cousin K. Dad got an infection in his foot and they canceled the trip.

It's 2009, dad and stepmonster need a vacation wicked bad. I get the BRILLIANT idea to take that cruise. We make all plans, all they need do is pay their way. First day I mentioned it to him, he says he wants to see K. I say, "that won't be possible" in a very curt way. What he wants to do is try to get back in with his sister before he dies (he'll be 81 in April). K is mid-50's and certainly more able-bodied than he is. She has made no effort to see him, and from what I can figure, she hasn't called/written him with any regularity either.

We've mapped a plan, and we're cruising in/out of San Francisco. No chance of seeing K unless she met us in Victoria, B.C., our last stop before we head back to Cali. Hmmmm...maybe I could try to set that up...but that requires contacting Aunt M (whom I still have a relationship with...exchange Christmas cards/occasional e-mail) to get K's info. Dunno. Will have to think about that.

It's unfortunate that my dad is talking about dying. Not death itself or that he's ready to check out, but that he said, "this will be the last time I'll get a chance to see her" (with regard to K). He also is frustrated that he's "incompetent" to do the work around his property that he started 20+ years ago and now can't finish (cuz he's too eff'n stubborn to hire a contractor at a going rate and get it done...claiming he can't afford it. I'll have to ask him if he can afford NOT to).

So, here I am, potentially setting myself up for disappointment (again), but hopeful that stepmonster can manage him. The good news is that when I just got off the phone with him, it sounded like he's on board (no pun intended) with focusing on the vacation. (I suggested to him that he send money to K and have her come to him...I don't think she needs his money, I think she just doesn't feel the importance of seeing him as much as he feels the importance of reconnecting with his sister...apples and oranges, but he'd never see it like that...sigh...)

Honky Cat...

Stacy did it in her Facebook notes, but I'm doing it here (maybe I'll copy it there...)

1. Put your MP3 player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer (questions below)
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS (option to put the name of artist in brackets next to it)
4. Tag at least 10 friends who might enjoy doing the game as well as the person you got the note from.

1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "F*** YOU!" YOU SAY: Ukiah - Doobie Brothers

2) WHAT'S THE BEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO YOU? Life Is a Highway - Rascal Flatts

3) WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO YOU? Train Wreck - Sarah McLachlan (though I've never been in a train wreck, thankfully)

4) WHAT WILL OPRAH'S NEXT SHOW BE CALLED? Shadow Captain - Crosby, Stills & Nash

5) WHAT WILL OBAMA'S FIRST EXECUTIVE ORDER BE? Kiss From a Rose - Seal

6) IF YOU COULD SAY ONE THING TO THE PERSON YOU LOVE, IT WOULD BE? Have I Told You Lately - Van Morrison

7) IF YOU COULD SAY ONE THING TO THE PERSON YOU HATE IT WOULD BE? World On Fire - Sarah McLachlan

8) WHAT WOULD YOUR AUTOBIOGRAPHY BE CALLED? New York Minute - The Eagles

9) WHAT IS LOVE? Chasing Pavements - Adele

10) WHAT IS HATE? Coming To Get You - Carly Simon

11) WHAT IS YOUR BEST TRAIT? The Sea Refuses No River - Pete Townshend

12) WHAT IS YOUR WORST TRAIT? - Like We Never Loved At All - Tim Mc Graw & Faith Hill

13) WHERE WILL YOU BE IN FIVE YEARS TIME? The Greatest Man I Ever Knew - Reba McEntire (oooohh...that one gives me a chill)

14) HOW DO YOUR FRIENDS DESCRIBE YOU? No Love To Be Found - Michael McDonald

15) WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR YOU? Constant Craving - k. d. lang (hahahahaha!)

16) WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND? Real Good Man - Tim McGraw

17) WHAT DO YOU WISH YOUR LOVER WOULD WHISPER IN YOUR EAR? If I Could - Seal (hahahahaha!)

18) WHAT WILL SAVE THE WORLD? Getaway - Train

19) WHAT IS SEXY? Power of Gold - Dan Fogelberg & Tim Weisberg

20) WHAT IS FUNNY? Come Away With Me - Norah Jones

21) WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST STRENGTH? Not Myself - John Mayer

22) WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST WEAKNESS? Wrapped Around Your Finger - Sting

23) WHAT DO YOU DREAM ABOUT? Winter Song - John Tesh

24) WHAT GIVES YOU NIGHTMARES? Two Out of Three Ain't Bad - Meatloaf

25) WILL YOU EVER FIND 'THE ONE'? True Companion - Donald Fagan

26) WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY? Always in My Head - India Arie

27) WHAT MAKES YOU SAD? What's Your Name - Lynyrd Skynyrd

28) WHAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING IN THE WORLD? Hysteria - Def Leppard

29) WHAT DO PEOPLE LOVE ABOUT YOU? Here Comes The Rain Again - Eurythmics

30) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS? Honky Cat - Elton John

Stick a fork in me...

I'm not really sure why this pisses me off so much, but it does. Gal who is a mom of both a football player and a cheerleader in our organization sent an "article" that she was going to send to one of the local rags to another mom/former cheer director. That mom forwarded it to me and I told her to e-mail the other gal back and tell her not to send it cuz I was already working with our 'media relations' gal on an article that she was submitting to both local rags (same publisher, catering to neighboring communities) along with a picture. Our media gal writes stuff all the time, so it was a good article (though I see one bit of info is incorrect) and what the mom wrote is awful. Thought we dodged that bullet a month or so ago.

As luck would have it, the larger of the two rags didn't publish the original story/picture. Not sure why. Mom texts me yesterday and asked me to put something out to everyone (or send her a list of my contact info) to let them know the article will be in the paper on Wednesday. Ummm...nobody GIVES A SHIT!! It doesn't name any of the players by name, and if she uses a picture, it won't have everyone in it (about 75 kids). I'm dragging my heels about it. I'll prolly send something out about it, but mash it in with other info I have.

In saying it outloud to a friend not associated with the whole cluster fuck, what pisses me off is: 1. NOBODY checked with me to ensure that something wasn't already being done
2. It's poorly written, and that is a reflection upon all of us (I would have edited it for her so she didn't make us look like numbskulls if we didn't already have something in the pipeline)
3. It piles on to other things that have happened/been said that I'm taking as people not thinking I'm doing a good enough job. Maybe that isn't their intent, but it feels disrespectful that things are being taken on without consideration for what is being or needs to be done that I'm either DOING or have KNOWLEDGE OF.
4. I said it out-loud to my friend that I'm no longer here for the 171 kids in the program. I'm only still here for my "boyfriend" (we started this mess together), and that I want to put everything in a box and hand it off to someone. What stops me from doing that is my own procrastination. Things aren't in order, and I don't want anyone to see that I'm doing this by the seat of my pants.

So, I fired off an e-mail to Boyfriend when husband-of-mom asked for contact info via e-mail today so he could send something out about the article being published (uhhh...no, not giving him EVERYONE's info out of respect for their privacy...he doesn't sit on the board, has no 'position' in the organization) and will see what he says. I'll send the stoopid reminder out, but when I'm damnfuckinggoodandready. Paper publishes on Wednesday.

Gah. I just want to be done.

Not only is tomorrow a new day, it's a New Year...

Whoopee!!

I hate New Year's Eve, so this evening will be spent like so many other evenings... There is laundry in both machines, and I have this sick desire to set up the ironing board and work on the pile that just last week was a good one to have cuz it hid presents that were to be from Santa! I'm still looking for those eff'n iTunes cards...maybe I'll find them in the ironing basket!

Looking back a 2008, a year that went by waaaaaaay too quickly, there were some changes for the good. Maybe not "changes" so much as "evolution" (like quitting the soccer club that I co-found). I spent less time on the internet, yet there still seems to be so much that was left undone (so maybe sitting at the computer isn't really a problem??? ;-) ). Maybe because I filled up all that time with more "things" to do. "Things" that don't directly benefit my family, and I'm trying to figure out how they directly benefit me. Course, the answer to that is that I'm carrying a heavy bag that allows other people's kids to play youth football and cheer and I am getting SOMETHING out of it, but I'm not convinced it's what I "need". I'm planning my escape from that. I would very much like to spend my evenings home from work and my weekends NOT dealing with all things "football/cheer". I didn't sit by the pool this summer and get caught up on my magazines nearly enough. We didn't have people over for dinner and swimming this summer hardly at all. I didn't make sure we, as a family, did stuff together, although we did have a spontaneous afternoon at the casinos in So. Lake Tahoe. Once.

I finally had my friggin' foot operated on. Now to get it to heal. Feeling like walking in the 'hood, playing tennis, or even going up to a mountain lake having a picnic and going for a hike, is something I very much look forward to.

I've gone nearly 7 days with the kitchen island mostly free of debris. Kitchen table and counter-tops too. Feels good. Looking at the coffee table, I need to get that flat surface involved in the clutter-free plan.

I haven't been good at e-mailing friends this year, but now that I have a Facebook account, it's nice to "see" them just for a snapshot of what they're doing that day! I need to be better about posting the mundane...maybe someone wants to see what a dull life I lead too!

My work schedule has decreased to two days a week. That will be good. Full-time job, plus previously mentioned football/cheer full-time job (with no pay), really cut in to my free time. Of course the consequence is that my walkin' around money is severely impacted, but I think the trade-off will be worth it.

Over-all, 2008 was a good year. It had it's ups and downs, lots of deaths earlier in the year and one at the end (all family of friends of ours). One girlfriend had a breast cancer scare, one just finished radiation treatment, and my cousin is gearing up for her treatment plan. Three people, that close to me, really make you stop and take a look at how you're living your life. And then you realize that so much is absolutely out of your hands, so you just press on.

So, I'll go switch out the laundry and get that ironing board up.

Happy Fuckin' New Year!

Holiday party...

A little soiree this afternoon will kinda "kick off" the holiday season. Going in to work later (keeping my foot up now, cuz I've over-done it the past couple of days) to get my desk/work area cleared and set things up in preparation for our guests to arrive at 5p.

Tomorrow the stitches come out of my foot. I'm afraid I'll start behaving like I'm better cuz I won't be afraid of the stitches splitting open. I can. not. wait. to shower without a plastic bag on my leg.

Christmas is coming, and I haven't done jack-shit.

Better get started on those Christmas cards.

Christmas shopping...

If only I knew what I wanted to get for people, I could probably get all of my shopping done right now, right this minute, from right here on the couch!

Ugh.

The toughest part has to be figuring out what to get people. Guess I need to figure out what people are even going to be on the list!