And the good news...

I tendered my resignation yesterday! W00-Hoo! I'm giddy with the possibilities!

Today, I told my boss that I didn't want any mention of me leaving when we have our holiday employee party on the 16th. She said that since I wasn't really quitting, then there was no need for me to worry. I reminded her that yes indeed, the 16th would be my last day! She thought I should come in four days a month to do payroll. Uhhhh...no. Quit. Done. Not gonna offer to help if she really gets in a jam. Cuz she'll really be in a jam, and I'll be hateful! I don't want that.

Talked to my friend Bob tonight, and we've made a 'plan' to get together some day for lunch. I'll go downtown, we'll hook up with another friend that works downtown and do lunch! My friend Nancy and I can do Starbucks and/or lunch! Heck, we can get CRAZY and scrapbook in between those two stops! I've been missing my friend Debbie...don't think I've been in contact with her all month. My mom and I can catch a matinee movie. I can clean all of those niggly house things that have been bugging me. I can stay longer at the gym.

The possibilities are endless, and the thought of taking care of my self and my family makes me giddy!

How much is enough?

I talked to the vet today. Our cat is still sick. He's had blood drawn three times in four days. Our vets office thinks the next step should be an internal medicine specialist for a bone marrow aspiration. Procedure is in the $500 range. If we don't go that route, we need to suppress his immune therapy with a differen variety of drugs. This would make him susceptible to other disease and infection. He's a strictly inside cat, so I'm not really worried about that. But, if THAT course of treatment didn't make things better, it would alter his marrow enough that doing an aspiration later wouldn't make any sense at all.

He is just the sweetest cat, and my son loves him to bits. He's 9, so of course his sense of sickness and death is totally different than mine. Poor kitty has been jabbed so much lately that he's been tough for the vet techs to deal with. I have some nice scratches on my shoulder from him trying to escape my grasp yesterday when I was going to put him in the crate to take him to the vet. This protest by him (and, let's face it, $500 is a lot to spend, and what does that set you up to do next if you've gone that far?) makes me hesitant to stick his poor little body any more. He's got bruises on his little legs already. It's so hard to know what would be the right thing to do for all of us.

Top it off with the dog being ill too (vet thinks that it's just a wicked coincidence) and my dither about what to do about them both is at an all-time high. Both are being treated as if they have an auto-immune disease. The stuff that the dog presented with at the first appointment seems to be getting better. She's taking prednisone, eating well, and still losing weight. She came to us from the Lab rescue lady, and we don't have ANY history on her. She may very well be older than we think, and that could be contributing to her ill health. She is my shadow, and I'll be very sad when her time is up. She doesn't seem to be too uncomfortable...she still jumps up when she hears my car keys rattle! Only trouble is that she's a little slower to climb into the car, and getting out of the car causes her to hesitate.

All I can do it care for them one day at a time, and hope it's 'enough'.

Dread...

It has been determined that I don't want to continue working at my place of employment. A lot of little things make up the big "why" but at the core of it, I'm not getting any satisfaction. Sure the extra money has been great, but I come home after only working from 9:30-2:30 and I don't feel like doing anything around my house. I let The Boy slack about homework start time 'cuz I just don't want to deal with that either. He's got a project coming up that is due in January. He'll need my help. Many chores around here haven't been done, and worst of all, a hobby that I once enjoyed hasn't been tended to properly over the past two years. That hobby is scrapbooking, and with the passing of Grandma and receiving her photo albums, my "need" is strong to get with my MIL and the remaining g-ma and get albums made for my MIL's kids and their grandkids.

DH doesn't care. He just wants me to be happy. My paycheck doesn't keep the lights on or anything, just gives a little extra money. Not enough taxes have been taken out this year, so likely that job will cost as at the end of the year. I could pick up a couple of houses out here and clean them for cash. Wouldn't be as much money, would be harder work, but when I used to do that, I got a lot of satisfaction from it.

The other piece of my job where I want to lay blame is in the weight department. I have gained 30 lbs in two years. I'm pretty sure that, while not openly stressed out, the stress of doing something I don't enjoy and confusing tiredness/exhaustion with hunger has greatly contributed to my girth. I find that I don't go to the gym sometimes because I have something that I want/need to get in to work early to do.

So. I have to do what I must do to clear my desk for my departure. First, I need to tell my boss. Ugh. We're already short-handed, so my announcement will send her around the bend. Second, or maybe this should be first, I need to secure a caterer to do the employee holiday lunch party. Third, or maybe this should be first, I need to order the logo clothes for the guys. Maybe I'll have to return some evenings and work with her to get stuff filed and sorted. The biggest "to do" will be to determine when my last day will be, and stick to it.

I don't feel better yet. Too many things hanging over my head that I don't want to leave un-done. I. Gotta. Get. Out. Of. There.

Black Friday...

I hate to shop.

I hate inefficiency.

Today I had to be efficient and shop! After taking the dog and cat for check-ups at the vet ($87 later, more prednisone for both, and an increase in pred pills each day for both...sigh...), we drove across the stree to Mervyn's and Target. Found a spot, about 4 spaces down from the front of the stores (in between both) and proceeded to drop some coin at each stop! I need to get something to wear to g-ma's memorial on Sunday, Greg's Christmas party, and g-ma's other memorial on the 21st. The Boy wanted to look at computer games at Target. Found some toys for our friends little girls (they have Christmas Eve dinner with us, and at 2 and 4 years old, I want them to have a little something to open. We left town, came home to drop off the animals, hung out for about 30 minutes, then headed downtown to pick up my mom. My sister and I have owed her a b-day dinner since September! We already took her to the movie, so we siezed the moment today and took her to lunch at Olive Garden. After that, we headed up to my sister's new house to see what she's gotten accomplished since the last time we were there. She took mom home, and T-Bone and I headed to Best Buy, Old Navy, Eddie Bauer outlet (got new down pillows for 50% off...will prolly have scratches all over our faces from the feathers...might have to get ticking covers. Went across to the mall and went up one side and down the other, spending a little money along the way. Had to stop and see Santa too! Got a picture of it, even! As long as he still believe's, I'll go along with it. After all, you have to "believe to receive!"

Stopped at Starbuck's on the way home for a Venti hot chocolate w/whipped. No wonder I'm still awake at midnight! I've sorted through a bunch of pics for Sunday's memorial. I think I'll have to get another foam poster board tomorrow! There sure aren't many pictures of Auntie Janet and her husband and girls. Sorting through all of those pics makes me think that I need to sort the rest by family member, get with MIL, and make albums for all of her kids for her to give them next Christmas. Cuz, you know, I don't have anything else to do!

I hope I can remember this forever...

The last Grandma standing is here. Sitting, actually! She's crocheting baby booties to sell at retail outlet that only sells stuff made by senior citizens. Her arthritic hands are working that needle and yarn, and she's telling tales from long ago. My darling boy decided to fix a cat toy, and then he decided he wanted to 'write' (not knowing it's called 'embroidery') "Hi" on a large satin-y ribbon. Seeing a great-grandma and her great-grandson doing hand-work side-by-side just warms my heart! I only wish I could have snagged the camera and captured it forever!

KABOOM!!

I am so glad to be done with today. I know everyone is busy these days, but let me just bitch about my schedule! I planned, shopped, set-up, and cleaned-up dinner for 100+ soccer coaches and their families. My husband and another soccer club board member/coach helped. I made some desserts (in addition to the cookies I bought), and three pounds of pasta salad. Just before the coaches appreciation dinner, there were deadlines at work that had to be met, a grandma passed away, a co-worker gave her notice (which meant a party needed to be planned), part of my job is being out-sourced, so I need to get records together to pass along, Thanksgiving holiday, b-day dinner w/family, a memorial service (more food), an employee Christmas party (the caterer I was going to use isn't in business anymore), a b-day for my favorite almost-10-year-old, decorate the house, family in during Christmas, shopping for gifts and food, blah, blah, blah.

So. Today. Co-worker (she was a temp, and had been there since May) gives her notice, today is her last day. I suggested to my boss two weeks ago that she make a pan of her yummy lasagna, buy bagged salad, get garlic bread, and I'd make a cake. I'd bring the lasagna and bread to my house to heat up and we'd have lunch just for the office staff (about 13 people). I get thru soccer dinner, am whoopped and e-mail my boss at home to tell her 'lets skip the big ta-do, I'll make a cake, we'll sign a card and say "see ya." Boss decides that we need to have a big shindig. Temp worker wasn't really known to the maintenance crew...about 15 guys. So boss goes shopping and gets frozen lasagna's (four of 'em), garlic bread (7 small loaves, already buttered and garlic'd), caesar salad makings (about 8 bags and all the stuff to make it without buying the 'salad kit'). The reason behind this is that there is some political bullshit going on (isn't that the case in any office?) and I'm guessing my boss was hoping to look like a star.

After lunch, we're toting everything back to the kitchen and she says, "you're going to get all the praise for this!" Mind you, she had said something similar more than once as we were setting up. I told more than one person that this was her idea...I would have just made a cake and not invited the guys. I said it jokingly and hoped that she would be acknowledged. Believe me, I didn't want the praise for this even though I started the oven at 8:30, got all of the lasagna's cooked, made two huge bowls of salad, toasted the bread, then hauled it all over to the office for a 12:00 noon lunch. We don't have a proper kitchen at work, so naturally, when my car is loaded and the guys are helping to bring things in they're gonna think I did it. I have made special dessert-y treats for them, so it's not unheard of for me to cook or bake (even though I really don't like to! Ironic, huh?). But her tone (we were sorta sarcastic bitchy to each other today...mostly in fun, but her tongue was pretty sharp and I just let it roll off...when she said I was going to get all the praise pissed me off! WHAT. THE. FUCK??? Yeah, her idea to make for all, and she went to the grocery store (with petty cash), but I'm the one that slaved in the kitchen getting it ready, ensuring there were serving utensils, blah, blah, blah.

Shit I hate it when people take praise that they don't deserve, and if they do, why get pissy because someone else deserves some praise too???

I'm just glad today is over. Tomorrow is an opportunity to bitch about something new!

Reality check...

Watching the a.m. news, Ch 3 traffic girl talking about a head-on at Scott and White Rock Roads. Greg sometimes goes that way to work. We know a lot of people that ALWAYS go that way. Chances are we know the victims, although no details at this time. Time-wise, it could have been Greg, but I hesitated to call him thinking no news is good news. The phone rings as I'm getting out of the shower, and our talking caller i.d. says it's a 'private caller'. I didn't answer, thinking it was Carrie (no time to talk to her this a.m.) and when no message was left I figured for sure it was her. Seven minutes later the phone rings, caller i.d. says it's Greg at work (whew...at least he wasn't involved in the accident) so I answer. He doesn't sound right, and asks if his mom called. Uh...no... Grandma died this a.m. That was MIL calling from grandma's phone with the 'private caller' i.d. We knew it was coming. Just yesterday she was sent home from the hospital (had been there 3 weeks with pneumonia, not getting better, not getting worse). We knew when she came home, nothing extraordinary would be done for her. Her mind was failing her too...sometimes. Last week when when we visited her in the hospital (her helper was there, keeping her company the whole time, g-ma dressed, doing physical therapy, only hooked up to IV antibiotics) she was sorta with it, keeping up with conversations, but telling us that she's got the cat in the other part of the house. Nurse comes in to do the breathing treatment and g-ma asks if she came in through the garage cuz she's got the cat out there! It was funny. Grandma was funny. She could be mean as a snake with her sharp tongue. She'd been through so much in her 85 years, and we are all so lucky to have had her in our lives.

Guess I'll keep trying to get ahold of MIL. Funny, part of me feels as if everything should be canceled...like going to work...any excuse to get out of that! and dinner with my mom and sister tonight. But why? Grandma wouldn't want that. But I suppose we need to gather 'round MIL and auntie...well, all of the family. Grandma will be cremated, and we'll have a memorial, likely when Jeff comes home from Korea at Christmas. I'll need to call my mom, sister, and dad to let them know. I'm just not up to being on the phone right now.

I see you...

I know how many times you've been here.

There is nothing for you to see, so move along.

What is it about farts?

They're really different from burps. Some are offended by one or the other (or both). Whassup with that? Whatever.

As for farts... An old boyfriend described the types to me once: the fizz, the fazz, the fizz-fazz, the ripshit, the tear-ass, and the one that goes 'phhhhhhhhhhhrrrtt'. Is the one that goes 'phhhhhhhhhhhrrrtt' the same as 'silent but deadly'? How come some vibrate? And what exactly MAKES them vibrate? Why do men think they are oh-so-clever to fart quietly (or not) then fan the covers when you're in bed? Why does one need to hike their leg to let 'em out? Is there really a 'blue flame club'?

Sometimes you just gotta fart. According to Nickelodeon, everyone does it. Why do people pretend that they don't? I have been known to pretend that I don't fart, and I can't tell you why!

And how come it is that, sure as shit (no pun intended), you're using a public toilet, you sit down, and you fart the loudest farts that are then amplified by not only the accoustics of a porcelain toilet bowl, but the accoustics of the bathroom itself before you can pee! Have you ever noticed that everyone that uses a public bathroom must shit, cuz they always smell like shit, and I seem to have a special 'gift' of choosing the stall where the last person there was the shit-er! WTF is up with that???

Yeah. I fart. Whatever.

I prefer to burp. Nice, big loud ones. Because I can.

Are you offended? Who cares! We all do it...get over yourself!

I hate school fundraisers...

Well, I don't hate helping the school out by kicking down some coin, either in the form of a check or attending some function where the net proceeds will go directily to the school. The biggest fund-raiser for our school is the sale of gift wrap and food items through 'Innisbrook' and I think 'Helen Grace' is the food company. The part that REALLY gripes me is the shit the kids can 'win' based on their sales. Get the kids all hyped up by dangling these carrots in front of them and then the parents look like schmucks for not letting their kids go door-to-door, or take them to work.

In our neighborhood, you can't swing a cat without hitting a house that has elementary school-aged children. Thats over 500 kids at our school with at least 90% living within the confines of our community. So, we took the order form to a family event. I only meant for my cousin and maybe aunt to buy something. My cousin asked her friends, who couldn't resist the young man's sales style (or big blue eyes with long eyelashes). Ugh! Auntie Janet still owes me $33 (who knew they'd need their checkbook at a baby christening party!). Today I put 50 miles on my car to deliver items. I had to get gas before I could leave the area, and my car needed to be washed. So, I pushed the "yes" button when the gas pump asked me if I wanted the 'Premium Wash' (how "premium" got to be defined as the cheapest wash, I do not know).

But nevermind all of that! I ended up spending a good part of the afternoon in the car! I made the mistake of being on auto-pilot and came home when I should have gone to Costco. The Boy was with me, and he wanted to go to Target. I had no plans for THAT, but I sure couldn't leave Target without spending $50!!!

So, in order for the school to get their $150 from our portion of the sales, I had to spend $20 in gas and carwash, $50 at Target, and lets just under-value my driving time ($12/hr and I was in the car just over 2hrs...so lets say that comes to $30). When you add all of that up (not counting the fundraising items I bought and can get waaaaaaaaaay cheaper someplace else - Target maybe?) I could have just written a check to the school for $150.00!!!

I think I'll do that next year instead.

It had to happen...

Here it is, November 13. I heard our neighbor's heater on about a week or so ago. I have this rule that we can not turn on the heater (or build a fire) until Nov. 10. That is the anniversary day of moving into this house. So, this weekend, the nights were sorta chilly, but the guys were gone and I was on a personal mission to NOT build a fire. Thankfully, I have an electric mattress pad! I used that two of the three nights!

Tonight, the Lord of The Manor built a fire! And it's nice! It's taking a bit of the chill off, but more, it's nice to watch the flames licking on the other side of the glass (we have a stand-alone wood stove). We use fire as our main source of heat. In fact, we often sit in the family room in shorts with the slider open cuz it gets so stinkin' hot in here! The rooms are comfy for sleeping, and usually it's warm enough in the kitchen/family room in the morning that we don't need to build a fire before we all leave for the day.

I'm ready for winter. I only wish I could stay home each day and enjoy my home, and the simple task of building a fire and keeping a comfortable temperature during the day. Heat from a fire instead of a central air unit makes for a much more cozy house. And cozy is oh-so-good!

The times...how they have changed...

On my way home from town the other day, going the opposite direction, I saw a 1964-1966 Mustang in what appeared (at 70 mph on my part!) to be perfect condition. The guy (kid?) driving was on his cell phone.

Who knew?

When that car was built, cell phone were the kind of thing one might find in a sci-fi book (I wouldn't know, cuz sci-fi is of NO interest to me at all). Heck, when MY car was built (1989), cell phones were about the size of a shoe box! Now they aren't much bigger than a credit card!

There is so much in our daily world that has changed in our lives, and for that matter, just in the last 25-30 years. Our kids will likely not ever "get" why we 'dial' the phone, or when we buy music we may still be on the lookout for a particular artist's 'new album'! I think when I was in jr. high, microwave ovens were nearly the size of a console television (oh...and THOSE are obsolete now too!), and they (microwave ovens) weren't cheap! I can remember the first VCR we had. It was HUGE, and cost about $600.00! Now, you can get a dvd player for $65. And speaking of dvd's, those haven't been the preferred method of movie viewing that long either.

Like when we were kids, our kids take for granted all of the technology that is available to them...they just have so much more! I guess that is 'the circle of life' in some ways. So much (nearly everything?) of what is 'old' to me sure wasn't available to my parents when they were growing up.

Change. Most of us don't like it. But life wouldn't be the same without it.