What is it about farts?

They're really different from burps. Some are offended by one or the other (or both). Whassup with that? Whatever.

As for farts... An old boyfriend described the types to me once: the fizz, the fazz, the fizz-fazz, the ripshit, the tear-ass, and the one that goes 'phhhhhhhhhhhrrrtt'. Is the one that goes 'phhhhhhhhhhhrrrtt' the same as 'silent but deadly'? How come some vibrate? And what exactly MAKES them vibrate? Why do men think they are oh-so-clever to fart quietly (or not) then fan the covers when you're in bed? Why does one need to hike their leg to let 'em out? Is there really a 'blue flame club'?

Sometimes you just gotta fart. According to Nickelodeon, everyone does it. Why do people pretend that they don't? I have been known to pretend that I don't fart, and I can't tell you why!

And how come it is that, sure as shit (no pun intended), you're using a public toilet, you sit down, and you fart the loudest farts that are then amplified by not only the accoustics of a porcelain toilet bowl, but the accoustics of the bathroom itself before you can pee! Have you ever noticed that everyone that uses a public bathroom must shit, cuz they always smell like shit, and I seem to have a special 'gift' of choosing the stall where the last person there was the shit-er! WTF is up with that???

Yeah. I fart. Whatever.

I prefer to burp. Nice, big loud ones. Because I can.

Are you offended? Who cares! We all do it...get over yourself!