Never pass up a chance to use the toilet...

We had a picnic to attend yesterday. It was pouring down rain. Our friends next door have been hosting this annual picnic that seems to get bigger every year. They hold it on her family's cattle ranch, so a long dirt road off the main road. Did I mention it was pouring down rain yesterday? We thought about not going, but having hosted enough shindigs of my own, I know of the time and expense that goes into it. When people say they'll be there, they should be there. So, we went. We didn't get there until 2:45 or so, but we did it. Made it on the hilly dirt/muddy road without getting stuck! Had lunch, heard the story of how the neighbors on the other side of our picnic-host-neighbors got stuck going out (in their Lincoln Towncar...not a Lincoln Ranchcar) so we were careful to not slow down on our way out! The car was a muddy mess!

Once on the state highway, we came upon a woman standing outside her truck looking rather upset. Traffic was wizzing past her at 75mph, barely giving her a glance. We stopped and, it turns out, discovered she had run out of gas. We told her to get in the car and we'd take her to our house to get the gas can, then to the gas station and back to her truck. She was about 10 miles in either direction from "civilization that would have gas.

She got in the car (I got in the back with our son) and immediately her cheap, stale, perfume smell hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm sensitive to smells, and "stink" really does me in! We tried to ask questions about how she ended up where she was, and where she was heading. Her story never seemed to jive. And she was squirrely the entire time, thanking us for stopping, digging in her purse. We got to our house and all got out except her. I had a fleeting fear that she might slide over to the drivers seat and steal our car but, thankfully, that never happened. I was thinking I was going to stay here and my husband said, "I think you better go with me" so I did. Sure didn't need the risk of her accusing him of something that he would never even think of doing (especially with a crazy lady!).

We needed gas in our car, so my husband filled the car and the gas can while Karen went into the store. She came out with a cup of coffee that she had over-filled and then squeezed the cup hard enough that coffee was spilling out from under the lid. When she got to the car I heard her say, "is this her car? where did they go? did they leave me here?" Greg was standing 6' from her, on the other side of the gas pump, using his phone. Apparently it didn't occur to her to look in the clear windows (the ones in back are tinted) and see that I was, in fact, still sitting in the car. Getting asphixiated from the gas that had spilled on the gas can.

Finally, we were all in the car and on our way to her truck. I don't recall how many times she said, "I hope they don't tow my truck" and "thank you. thankyou. thankyou. thankyou." Um, yeah, it's o.k. Crazy Lady! Really! She offered us $3 for gas, after she dug around in the bottom of her purse a few times, and she pulled out some ugly earrings on a card and asked if I'd wear them. At first she told us she was going to Sacramento. Then she said she was going to Latrobe. Then it was Sacramento. She didn't know where she was and wasn't sure how to get home. Said she hadn't been here long. Said she was from Portland and had come down her to care for her ailing grandma and then she died. Ten years ago.

She put lipstick on in the car, and some kind of makeup. Her hands were dirty, almost yellow-brown, but I couldn't smell cigarette smoke on her. She said she had to get to work, that she worked with troubled teen girls. Huh. Funny, cuz if I ran out of gas, I likely would have told my "rescuers" that fact and maybe tried to call and let someone know I'd be late. But then, I think she's a little crazy, so I seriously doubt that she even HAS a job. If SHE is who is working with our troubled teens, God help us.

We finally got her back to her truck, the gas poured in, her debit card that she had dropped in our car twice was returned to her (she had to hug me for that...ewww...then her stanky perfume got on me!), she dumped all of her coffee cuz she put it on the side rails of the bed of her truck. Greg said she had clothes and pots and pans in the back of her truck as if maybe she lived out of it. Clothes in the back of her truck. It was raining. Crazy Lady.

Once we got the gas in and we said our goodbyes, she jumped in her truck and hot-footed it out of there. We just sat there shaking our heads, trying to figure her out. We know we did a good thing, helping someone that was in "trouble" on a remote road and we need to be settled with that thought. We did drive past our house and up to the gas station to see if she was there, and she was. Well. The truck was there. She wasn't. Must have been inside paying for it, or using the restroom or something. We drove past her and headed for home. Couldn't wait to get in the shower and get warm, dry, and de-funked of her nasty perfume!

What I am really thankful for? I used the porta-potty at the picnic before we left! Didn't really have to go, but my mama always told me to never pass up a chance to pee.